THE HEADSTOCK DOCTOR IS IN
We had a great time out there with more than a few sold out shows. Any time we return to a city and there’s more people than the time before…We ask for extra foam on our coffee, pure cream, hold the guilt.
We’ve got a few Mission Express shows coming right up. And it all starts at The Continental Club in Austin. Two nights at the Continental Club in Austin. And dig this: EARLY SHOW AND LATE SHOW ON SATURDAY. We’re always excited to play in Austin at our home away from home, the Continental Club. We all dig playing the Continental. Three shows! And the plan is different set-lists each night.
Meanwhile, I might have a new career. As a surgeon.
Hear me out.
Sold out shows always feel good. But, the real good feeling. That came from the fact that I somehow repaired the broken headstock on my beloved Martin D-28 guitar. The same guitar purchased for me by China Records back in the year of who-knows-when. It was like a Ben Carson intervention of the divine moment. It was out of body. I was transformed. Into a gifted surgeon. Me, the guy whose wife loves to tell people she didn’t exactly win the lottery when it came to husbands with the handyman gene. Okay, I can barely open a can of tuna fish, but something came over me. Would you believe God guided my hands?
Me neither. (But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.)
So, after the Pittsburgh show there was a downright rowdy merch table party, and somebody stumbled up on the stage and KO’d my guitar. It was lying sprawled out facedown when the sound guy found it and said “I hate to be the bearer of bad news…” Then he held up my Martin D-28, snapped at the neck. Like a high-school baller’s collarbone. I sunk down to the lip of the stage.
Head in hands.
Then something came over me. I was possessed. It’s like when you read about the 85-pound-mother who picks up a car her child is trapped under. I started running around the club yelling, “OK, I need two C-clamps, a bicycle inner tube, and some rubbing alcohol, stat!” Naturally, everyone ignored me.
Then the sound guy, who looked like he hadn’t slept for a week said, “I might have a capo somebody left behind.”
Then Denise P. piped up about a 24-hour Walmart out by the interstate. (It really does take a village.)
Now, I don’t want to digress, but have any of you been to a 24-hour Walmart on the outskirts of Pittsburgh after midnight lately? It was just me and a couple tweakers roaming the auto parts aisles. The tweakers were friendly. Helpful even. “Dowling? You’ll find that in the Arts and Crafts aisle, bro.”
I found the C-clamps, some dowling, some straight-up wood glue, some Gorilla snot that had a different color and texture and looked like it might be stronger than the wood glue for no good reason. I also found some rope in place of the bicycle inner tube to protect the guitar from the clamps.
Back at the hotel, I washed my hands and got down to business. When I was done gluing and clamping, I gently set it next to the heater. Thinking that might make the glue dry faster. I sat up for a while just looking at it. The next morning we laid the patient flat out on the backseat of the rental car and headed for Columbus.
When we arrived, I took the cast off, strung it up with a new set of strings, and lo-and-mother-loving-behold. Success! You can send me your broken headstocks, but be warned: I’m already a month behind. Our living room is wall-to-wall headstocks. The Headstock Doctor Is In!
PS: You’re probably wondering: HEY, who the blazes is Ben Carson? I’m referring to that crazy conservative black guy who ran for president. Who now works for Trump now. Get it? No? Because he was (or is?) a surgeon, and was and an uber-Christian. Maybe it’s kind of an obscure reference. Whatever.
3/8/2019 Austin TX Continental Club w/The Mission Express 3/9/2019 Austin TX Continental Club w/The Mission Express
3/10/2019 Fischer TX Devil’s Backbone Tavern w/The Mission Express
3/13/2019 St. Paul MN The Turf Club w/The Mission Express
3/15/2019 Berwyn IL FitzGerald’s w/The Mission Express 3/16/2019 Kalamazoo MI Kalamazoo Valley Community College w/The Mission Express
